The Problem with Comparing Yourself to Other People

Comparing yourself to others: it’s an issue that’s been around forever, but in today’s age of social media, it’s an automatic response that’s gotten even easier to do, and therefore has worse mental and physical effects.

Social media provides hundreds of thousands of images of others every second, leaving us with a virtually unlimited number of options to compare ourselves to.

It’s definitely something I’ve experienced myself, and in order to change the narrative on what healthy really looks like, we need to be honest about when this stuff happens.

1. Comparing Yourself to Others on Social Media

Example A: When I was preparing a hip flexion video post, I sent a clip to my best friend and ask her if the angle was “too unflattering” to upload. How many of us have done this before, whether with videos or pictures?

I’m a healthy woman. I eat well and work out consistently, so why was I doubting myself? My body does countless amazing things for me everyday and I’m so grateful for all it’s able to do. I’ve worked hard for years to create a body I love, and—more importantly—a mind that loves that body. 

And yet, before posting, I still hesitated. I had to ask myself and my friend if I looked okay enough to show to other people. Will that skin roll cause a hemorrhage of followers? Will I suddenly be not as good at my job? Less respected in my industry? It’s a scary thought-process, and one that’s not always in our control.

All that video was showed what a healthy body sometimes looks like in a bikini on the beach. Sharing and promoting body positivity and various body types can help women accept their bodies and feel more comfortable about themselves.

Studies have found that when women are forced to think about the incredible things that their bodies can accomplish, rather than how their bodies appear to others, they are more satisfied with their body and themselves. We have a responsibility to promote self acceptance.

So, post that pic. And let’s stop asking our friends and partners and even ourselves if we “look alright”—and instead start owning all our hard work and victories.

2. Why Fitspiration May be More Harmful than Inspiring

Being in the health and wellness profession, I couldn’t talk about comparison on social media without touching on fitspiration.

Fitspiration content—fitness-related pictures and words meant to inspire viewers—has been increasingly available on social media in the last decade. The puported use of these images is to encourage media users to reach their goals through healthy eating and exercise.

What is“Fitspiration” Actually Inspiring?

The issue is that though fitspiration trends originated as backlash to the promotion of a specific thin-ideal body type, they can sometimes promote an equally unrealistic body ideal.

Despite the goal is being fit, looking fit can sometimes be more valued than actual fitness abilities, and this can be detrimental to your wellbeing and fitness journey.    

Fitspiration can be great: it can be inspiring, encouraging, and give you that extra boost to get through your last set at the gym.

These images can be an amazing tool for change, and incredible resource for free nutrition and fitness information.

However, they can have unintended consequences of doing the opposite: making you feel unmotivated, a little bad about yourself, and contemplate giving up for the day—because you just won’t ever look like that fitness model in a perfectly coordinated outfit climbing a mountain without breaking a sweat!

Ask Yourself: Is Fitspiration Motivating Me or Discouraging Me?

We just have to remember, like most things, to take it with a grain (of handful) of salt. This is because, like all social comparison, our reactions depend on what mental state we are in when we are exposed to them—and that mental state can vary day to day and even hour to hour.

Everyone’s body type is different. Everyone’s goals are different. Not all workout methods, nutrition plans, or exercise schedules work for everyone. It’s our job to redefine what health looks like! Health and how we get there often looks very different for different people. 

Not sure if fitspiration is working for you? Ask yourself: are these images helping me? Am I inspired to get to the gym and eat healthy and sleep well and love myself? If your answers are all yes, then that’s amazing, and keep feeling inspired and motivated by images of strong women!

If not, that’s okay too. Just consider taking a break from some of your favorite social media platforms to figure out what does inspire you and keep you striving to your goals, and use that to make you the healthiest person you can be, physically and mentally.

If it’s not watching Instagram models do workouts, that unfollow button is pretty easy to use, and worth it for your health.

Or, if social media is one of your favorite ways to find workouts and stay consistent, try following fitness influencers that aren’t all about the matching workout outfits and looking perfect in each shot. Find ones that look like you, and represent you.

Seeing and understanding that your body type is just as normal as the next one will do wonders for you health, and prevent you from comparing yourself automatically.

3. Comparing Your Workouts and Fitness Levels to Others

Here’s how it goes. You’re starting your circuit at the gym, stretching before your fitness class, or about to approach that new weight machine you’ve always wanted to include in your routine. when suddenly you see them.

The toned, lean, experienced person next to you that is about to kill their gym set, move from exercise to exercise with ease and precision, and make every movement look perfectly easy.

You start to feel a little self conscious, a little bit of doubt about your workout plan for the day (should you still try that new move Ashley Brown just suggested? Well, yes!), and a little bit less like giving it your all, because no way, no how, can you compare to that.

Health & Fitness is a Personal Journey

Well, here’s the thing: you don’t have to. In fact, you shouldn’t! As I mentioned above, the same workout and nutrition plan doesn’t work for everyone. You should be using the methods that give you the best results for you and make you feel great—no matter what Abs MgGee is doing to your left.

Yes, it may take some time to build up your confidence, especially if you’re new to a routine or working out in general, but that’s okay! We’ve all been there.

The important thing is that you’ve taken time out of the day to be there for you, which is an accomplishment in itself. It doesn’t matter what anyone else is doing around you. Your workout isn’t going to change theirs, just like their workout shouldn’t change yours! 

So, no matter if you’ve gone to the gym or class for the past year, or it’s your first time there—or if there are 30 people around you, or none—it doesn’t change the fact that you’ve showed up for yourself and your health. That’s what’s important.

Remember, we’re redefining what health looks like. And it looks very different for different people, you and I included. You have to figure out what works best for you, and the best plan for you to get there.  

4. Comparing Eating Habits: Removing Shame from Our Food Choices

Eating Shouldn’t Be Shameful

There is also social comparison with your food choices and your diet, and the shame this causes. This topic deserves a lot more than a few paragraphs, I know, and understanding the nuances of eating habits and one’s self esteem is a huge health issue including body dysmorphia and eating disorders.

Some people like diets for the rules. The stricter the diet, the more in control you feel if you can adhere to it. You’re strong willed. You’re determined. You really care about your health.

And...you may be a little bit better than Jackie from accounts receivable because she doesn’t have the willpower to go keto-vegan-Atkins-beach.

It’s cool, I’ve been there too. I was super-strict paleo and—to be completely honest—would definitely judge people eating pizza and Oreos to their heart’s content. 

Here’s my question though: do you like your diet because of the way you’re eating...or for the ego pump it gives you to think less of others who don’t adhere to the same hype?

If you’re being honest with yourself, do you think that it might actually take more willpower and strength to navigate your own choices and decide what’s important to you, rather than following along somebody else’s pass-me-down plan and rules?

Look, if you’re following a plan and it’s working for you—that’s great! And by all means, keep doing it. I’m just offering up a little introspection on why flexible dieting, intuitive eating, and listening to your body just might be the most challenging diet of all to really master, and the healthiest for your body and mind.  

Flexible & Intuitive Eating is Healthy

When it comes to healthy eating, I hear a lot of people talk about “cheat days,” eating something “bad,” or having a “sweet treat” when they’ve followed their diet all week. What do all of those things have in common? They’re all assigning morality to your food choices.

But, food choices are just that: choices! They’re a decision you make, not something that determines your ethical or moral worthiness. When we introduce morality to our food choices, we introduce shame to our food. 

The way we speak and the language we use matters—and it affects us as individuals the most! It changes that conversation going on in your head as you make your way through the world every day.

I’ll cut to the chase: If you’re constantly ashamed of your food choices, it makes it very difficult to ever develop a truly healthy relationship with food or your body.

Which means if you want to look and feel your best, you should evaluate the language you use about your food.

This isn’t even touching the fact that if you are “rewarding” yourself with a chocolate croissant for breakfast when you hit a target weight, you are also by default “punishing” yourself when you make healthy choices that help you to reach that same goal.

But you tell me: is it really a punishment to have a healthy and satisfying breakfast of eggs and fruit, or yogurt and granola? And is that a good way to approach food types for the rest of your life? And is enjoying a chocolate croissant every so often such a horrible decision?

Food isn’t “Good” or “Bad”

Instead, assess value to your food choices like: determining if a food adds or subtracts from your overall health; determining if a food gets you closer or further from your goals; determining if a food makes you physically feel better or worse.

Remember, you don’t live in a world where foods are good vs evil. Food can simply be food. It's fuel. It's nourishment. And sometimes, it's self-care.

So, if you want to have a slice of cake with the rest of your office for Jackie-from-account’s birthday—eat it and enjoy it. It’s all right, and can be mentally healthy.

Let’s Make a Pact: Stop Comparing Ourselves to Other People!

Remember, even if it is cliche, comparison truly IS the thief of joy. And this was a brief overview of the ways that we do it, and the ways we can stop. Let's love what we've got and support one another. It may be a process—but we can get there together.

Have a question? ! I’d love to hear from you by email at Ashley@AshleyBrownFitnessNutrition.com OR on Instagram at @ashleybrownfitnessnutrition.